A Nation in Mourning - Waiting for Morning.

*bang* - *bang* - *bang* - *bang*
*blast*

thats all it takes to bring down 160 Million people to their knees , or lets say temporarily. Some say its a sad sad day , some say it was inevitable. Regardless of the fact which camp i belong to reality remains the same. Crux of this whole issue doesnt lie anywhere but a disease which i have been talking consistently about.

'Our love for heroes'.

Its again this syndrome that has plagued this nation. Whoever masterminded this thing , just knew what he was going to achieve. Remember 9/11? Whoever was behind it did it just not to blow away some building , it was a symbolic disaster. Shock & Awe - what americans used in Iraq war as a strategy , they had gone through it already. Same thing has happened on this Thursday. It was mind blowingly thoroughly 'Professional' act of terrorism. You had to be on the street to know how much fear was around. I was walking around on the streets of lahore , 6:30 PM - its a time in this city where life is just beginning to find its place on roads. And i could see shutters going down already. Shutters going down in Lahore? This doesnt happen even at 3:00 AM in this city. This is a city which never sleeps.If a city has cafes which have 'all night long' policy , how can life desert its roads? - So i went inside one such cafe and the moments later even it was shutting down , waiting for angry mobs. I was among 4 customers. I could see terror on their faces and why not? You dont associate such moments to Lahore. I stayed there for 30 minutes , and in those 30 minutes i saw the rumor 'Mobs are coming - shut down the lights , doors and shutters' entering and leaving the cafe. It was so terrifying - that i laughed. Such is the state of our nation , we are built on fear. Oh, you must watch 'Bowling in Columbine' to know why is it so. I would just keep having scenes from this documentary and it mapped so perfectly well to the situation.

I moved out of cafe , it was becoming too stupid for me. Out on the road , i decided to walk. Why fear? THey are my country men. If they choose to kill me , thats their choice. Why should i tell them that i am even afraid of them? So i walked , walked for 40 odd minutes. With everyone coming from all directions stating something or the other. Street lights were turned off , roads had no cars , no transport. A city succumbed to the fear of unknown. I could hardly see my city in this shape. How come humans just become so fearful of their own specie? Own race? Own religion? Own creed? - So is the reality. Fear makes people forget who they are.where they come from.where they belong to.

Very night , i got calls from many people about Lahore's situation. I will depart from Lahore now, and try to see what has happened in this country , to this country.

We are a nation obsessed with individuals. You remove that person from the picture and it looks as if whole nation is going to come to an end. Benazir is just not an exception. This country has never been on the path to democracy as such. If people think , bringing in Benazir would’ve solved the issue , I am always going to disagree. Our political parties are autocratic by nature. Answer me , if you can ever imagine PML without Nawaz Sharif or PPP without Benazir. Its just because there are no elections within these parties. These are the people who are going to remain at the helm , unless they die one way or the other. So it makes considerable sense to remove the person , who becomes the nexus. What if they remove Musharraf? I am sure there will be even more chaos. Its more due to the stupidity of Musharraf than anything else. Once you hold onto an office for too long , everything starts moving in and out of your corridors. But when you are no more there , no one knows who is going to take control.

They say, In every disaster there is an opportunity. So is true for this time.

Our politicians should realize they have to die one day , and it makes perfect sense if they adopt democratic policies in their own parties. You keep a revolving door at the top. Just like democrats and republicans do. If you make it a personal politics , then you will keep facing this situation again and again.

Our military should just take a hint. They have tried their best to run this country through their ideas but how many times more they want to reach a similar situation? Gen. Ayub tried to run his own way of politics , failed. Similar fates are shared by Gen. Zia & Gen. Musharraf. I think they should accept that enough is enough – already.

Our intellectual class should just come out and talk. Talk about where to go , what to do. They go into hiding every time something happens which requires their input. If you will let masses play it out , then you are already seeing how they react. You can speak up – and you should.

Our nation should just accept that one person , one party or one group doesn’t constitute Pakistan. They don’t hold the fate of 160 Million people. They shouldn’t. Did anything happen when Jinnah died? Did any disaster happen when Liaqut Ali Khan was killed? Did we break up after the hanging of Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto? Why should this be any different moment?We should always remember that we are as much responsible for the progress and prosperity of this nation as anyone else. Why being so pessimistic and turn this feeling into a stupid frenzy of burning things down and creating a havoc. Whose loss are we doing anyways? Its ours. Its not that difficult a reality to accept and understand – or are we too dumb?

Lastly my friends – its been a difficult year for this country by any stretch of imagination.

Things have happened badly, disasters have struck. But shall we remember , as a nation we have always come out. This time it should be the same. We have lost a leader – but rest assured in the process of grieving and mourning we don’t lose out on many more. Hope is the only thing which stops humans from turning into animals. Lets hope , that through these dark moments only days of glory will rise. Let’s keep working towards a better tomorrow, for only we hold our destiny.

*bang* - *bang* - *bang* - *bang*
*blast*

This is what it should take to bring us back. Together!

An Ode To Mother.

Read me the book once more
when there are no fairies anymore
lying beside you , in the winter nites
when the warmth of your hug
will enter in me and make me smug
while taking small steps in the garden
you will run to catch, as if i sprint
such are the memories etched in me
when you were the life in me
all your yelling , which once brought
tears , now bring a smile to me
so are you still around in the eden?
are you still in me,apparent and hidden?
my mind goes back to your laughter
kissing and telling me how much i matter
what shall be the life again , my only friend?
what shall be the heart again, my surreal love?
in your falling tears i found my discomfort
in you i found my soul's sole comfort
come home soon , my only shelter
your life is alone , dont let it stagger

Phir wohi...

phir wohi baad-e-khizaan kay charchay
unhi payron pe phir say khushk zard pattay
kaisay hain iss gulshan kay rehnay walay
jo nahi samajhtay, tareek-o-rasm-e-ishq
kehtee hay faseel-e-shehr, aseeran-e-watan say
kahan jao gay mayray abaad kaaro?
mujh main he panah-e-dushman patay
phir mujh ko he ho raund daaltay?
nahi hay bahaar un kee
nahi hay khizaan un kee
nahi hay chaman un ka
nahi hay koi rung un ka
kay jis shehar kay baasion ka
na ho josh-e-kayamat apna
na ho jazba-e-zameer apna
phir wohi daykhta hoon aaj main
phir wohi ghabra kay sochta hoon main
'giree hay jis pe kul bijlee ,
woh mayra ashyaan kyun ho?'

Scattered Thoughts.

- Iqbal said , in his book Stray Reflections ,

' For centuries eastern heart and intellect have been absorbed in the question - Does God Exist?. I propose to raise a new question - new that is to say , for the East - Does man exist?

'I question the very idea to take it forward , Existence as compared to what? fellow humans? Animals? Plants? - or even non-existence?

- Muslims have become a creed of blind followers. We follow leaders , without questioning their ability to lead us. Its as true for a political movement as it is true for religious ideals. We dont question the authority. What is it that differentiates Quran? Its ability to stand the force of questioning. Its invitation to question. How wonderfully it asks humans to come up with a rational opposition to its theories. Thats the power of truth. But what are we now? We dont question because of fear. We are more willing to burn effigies than to actually dig out the real issue. Such a waste of intellect , time and feelings.

- God & Perfection are similar ideas. We do want to be perfect , but then how do we define 'perfection'? If we can define , then i believe we are in a better position to understand what we want to be. Similar to the concept of God. We do want to follow God, but can we define? I believe once we can define either concept , other will complete the picture. Then may be all struggles will come to an end

- One single pillar which constituted Islamic social system was Justice. Irony is now we want everything but justice. Justice which differentiates right from wrong irrespective of who is at the receiving end.

- More i help others , more helpless i feel. Its just too much of a mess out there. Shall i give up? - No seems to be the answer. Because , i can just start that one spark which can burn down this whole jungle of mediocre mentality , unjust theories , illogical rationalities , pseudo-intellectual religious transformations.

- I love you , but is this enough?

Happy New Year - Happy New Life

'How beautiful were those moments when i used to run around with my sibling, through trees...running after butterflies....trying to catch them...ahhh'...visions run across my mind like a wild fire...which no matter how much you try , just doesnt stop...'i used to scold her for her little mistakes..she used to scold me for being not a nice student in a 'student teacher game'...' memories , sometime they are more of a blessing than a curse...' me and my young sister...growing up in a small town....we moving to a metropolitan and me constantly bugging her on our way that ...'oh you know, we will be so great there...we will just get whatever we want'... we both grew up like ordinary kids.The only extra-ordinary thing were the circumstances surrounding us. Slowly everything was finding different ways. We got into different schools , different colleges... and yes different professions. The fabric of life is just brilliant. It expands in all directions yet doesnt break. Then those moments struck me which i enjoyed with my folks...such times just dont leave your head.Their annoyance at my absurdly stubborn attitude. Their love for my strong will power. Their pride on me being 'atleast' honest to them always.Us sitting in the sunshine and having long discussions about family , politics , sports - talk about anything but how it will not be around when anyone of us wont be. Me constantly reminding my mom , ' The day you dont scold me , i dont feel as if day has even started'. Thoughts after thoughts , like a train which passes you by no matter how much you try to ignore it. But which also makes you feel its presence. My constant pampering by my grand parents , uncles , aunts. When you are young , life looks so easy. World looks so simple. Everything looks honestly innocent. Till you realize later that it was the innocence in your existence more than anything else.

I kept falling , but with each passing moment i will remember one event or the other.

Remember my friends... for all the good and bad reason. How some will desert , some will uphold the flag of friendship. Vividly , i will know about the moments which took me to the depths of pessimism , distrust and painful acceptance of human selfishness. My consistent questionining , shall i follow the road ? But every time i will get hurt - i will realize one thing only. I shall be honest to myself atleast. And this one judgment will never let me change my course.' You can break me down , You can kill me - You cant fight my will'. This is what i will teach myself everyday. Lesson which life taught me.

As i was falling down , i will look at stars in the sky. Such majestic divinity existed around me and i never realized. Azure was illuminated unusally tonite. I would find them so well organized that i even managed to smile. But the fight between innerworld and outerworld is always a trivial one. With thougths going to how i found my closest people to be my greatest enemy as well. You save them from the moments , when even god mite not. But then they hit back at you the way , even devil mite not. You keep fighting and fighting for them beieving they will someday realize you. How often i have come to the understanding that its one thing people realizing they are making a mistake , its totally another for them to accept that they did make one.

I hit the road finally. My head banged first and then my back will kiss the ground , followed by my broken legs. Car , which had struck, managed to evade me and hit a pole on the road side. I could see people rushing towards me but for the first time i felt i had known what death is. I smiled at the them. Frenzy are humans , in a crowd even. They surrounded me talking about how to help me. I only managed a smile. In the last moments everything seems to slow down. You feel life as if it has come to a halt , but thats only true for you only. You want to believe that you lived a good enough life. As people were gathering to collect me , I made a last move when i heard someone saying ,

'poor guy must be going home to enjoy the start of a happy new year....'

and i replied,

'poor guy is going home...but to enjoy the start of a happy new life...'

I closed my eyes , never to know what happened next. who burried me where , with whom. On my grave , they placed a stone which had nothing written on it , probably there was no need either.

[A]part

As he laid his friend to rest , priests started praying. People started pouring dust on the grave. Slowly people leave , one by one. Talking , whispering – and wondering. As they all left, he will take steps slowly, hoping the journey beyond the gates of graveyard just never starts.

Looking at the faces of those around him he will think many things. Too many questions will illuminate his mind – with no answers insight. Why they conspired to end this poor soul’s life? Why they never tried to know what that little smile wanted? Why they couldn’t let go their own egos? Is it too much to ask from any human to put a smile anyone else? He kept walking with these thoughts in his head till he came across an old man. With curls in his hair , a stick in his hand , the white bearded poor man will just keep walking ignoring the crowd.
‘He mite have an answer’ – he wondered. Walking up to him , he will try to shrug off the idea of letting someone else enter his mind. But, loneliness in a crowd and the pain which it delivers , had the final say.

‘Sir!’, he asked , ‘ can you answer me some questions?’
‘Son , I don’t have any answers. I am finding ones for myself. What can an ignorant person like me enlighten you about?’
‘Tell me, what is love?’ – asked the young man.
‘ Son!’ , replied the old fellow , ‘ Love is when you know , that you don’t know anything. Love is when you wish for , what you will not wish for otherwise. Love is when you go extra mile without tiring at all. Love is when you take a deep dive into yourself while others around you only want to stop you. Love is when you give – and just give.’
Sighed the young man.
‘Tell me sir , I am hungry for love. My soul needs to be nurtured. My heart needs to be fixed. My brain needs to be repaired. Love has deluded me sir. Where shall I find it? Decades have passed now. It has become a holy grail now.’
The old man retorted.
‘ You look for love where? What do you think love is? You think love should heal you? – do you even know what love is?. Let me tell you son. We live in a world of madness. We live because we are asked to live , because we are not given a choice. Now you don’t find love out there , you find it in you. Once you find it in you , you look for a human to cross match. Humans come in all shapes and sizes. Its not an easy journey my friend. It will not be a smooth sailing. But when you find someone whom you think is worth your love. Dump all your love in their hearts. They will take it , but slowly. Love demands patience. Love demands perseverance. Love demands sacrifice. Love demands selflessness. This is what love is. This is what you should yearn for’.
‘You know who is there in that grave?” – pointed the young man to the grave.‘I dumped my love there. In this cemetery of hopes, I have dug another grave. Another grave, that will remind me that I need love. And these people you watched walking slowly , they are the ones who conspired against it.’

Old man holds his hand and takes him to the grave. Takes shovel and starts digging the grave.

‘Why are you doing this? Let it stay inside’ – he yelled.
Without paying attention to the young man , he kept digging. Till he came across a body , which seemed familiar to him.
‘This is your twin brother?’ – asked the old man astonishingly.
‘No’ , replied the young man , ‘ This is my other half. A half, which wanted to live a secluded life. I buried him , because this is what was right for him.’
‘Do you see this grave?’ – the old man showed him the grave right along side young man’s grave.

‘ this is my other half. We all live like this’ , wondered the old man, ‘ Killing our selves. Rejecting ourselves ideas which can lead us to different plateaus. We all suffer at the hands of our fears. Letting them be our guides. We suffer and suffer till we just become cynical of life , love and relationships. I have suffered the same way but I must tell you. Keep your other half alive. You just never know when you get what you keep looking for throughout your life. You just never know in what shape or form you get it. Stick to what you believe in son , take this better half out and keep it with you. Predators only are predators because they are persistent and they are patient. Be one , before you become a prey.’

While the old man sits beside his gave , the young man takes his buried half out and starts walking away.

Old man looks back and says ,
‘Remember my stranger, never quit on any idea. No matter how difficult or impossible it is. Be like a stream of water, which when flows knows no boundaries. Which when is blocked , finds other routes. This is what love is. Finding and making your own way. Good luck & Good bye.’

Musalman Kay Naam

na raha tujh main jazba-e-serfaroshi
na raha tujh main sharar-e-chungezi
na raha tujh main adal-e-nabwi
na raha tujh main zor-e-hayderi
na raha tujh main iraada-e-umar
na raha tujh main sabar-e-abubakar
nahi hay mayray humdum , nahi hay ab
wohi jis pe ho chuki ab yay ummat
na ummat-e-muhammadi, na ummat-e-ibrahimi

na rahi ab justuju-e-ilm-o-adab
na rahi ab talash-e-huk-o-mazhab
na rahi ab umeed-e-junoon-e-sach
na rahi ab himmat-e-takrar-e-zehan
na rahi ab uraan-e-khayal-ta-falak
nai hay mayray humdum , nahi hay ab
wohi jis pe ho chuki hay ab yay ummat
na ummat-e-muhammadi , na ummat-e-ibrahimi

Trust Me - Trust Yourself

No more signs of tragedy
no more lines of treachery
through these meadows
this stream of love flows
chirping birds, singing doves
fighting our own cruel fears
we avoid chasing spears
dont let time open wounds
of by gone terrible moments
now you are here...
stay with me ,
walk in the sunshine,
talk in the moon light,
and when you feel insecure
ask me ,to remove the obscure
and when tear falls down
ask me ,to secure it in my palm
listen to me , my heart felt smiles
peak to me , my one last mile
trust me , trust yourself

Sawal-o-La'Jawab

zehreelee nagan
nachay mayray angan
tootay ga bundhan
phir say yay mun!

zindagee-e-baynaam
ko na do ilzaam
nai hay kisi ko dawaam
zalim ho ya ilzam

zulmat kada hay mayra
manzar-e-jashn-e-natamaam
tayri umeedon ka payaam
hay mayri tanhai ka mukaam

guzree mudaton ka sawal
na mayra tarz-e-bay'kamal
na tayra tarz-e-ba'kamal
raha main bun kay khud ik sawal

Mixed Platter & Food For Thought

not in a million year
i have seen such moments
of unheard serene melodies
singing beyond heartless soul
as the doors open slowly
to mystified realities, i wonder
who is letting it go easily?
who is allowing it so freely?
who is conspiring so calmly?
but finally thoughts are evoked
taking shapes of burried feelings
forming the lost forever words
bringing me all the answers
nothing is happening , verily!
i am offering you this on a platter
for no greater reason ,
for no greater wisdom,
for no greater truth,
but for this..
.i want to serve you,
in you , i find me!
this is my mixed platter
and all the food for thought!
take this , take me.

Heroes & Our Desperate Wait.

So i see and look back at the recent chain of events. Like, Political stand offs, Imran Khan episode etc. As i said , somethings just dont change in the history of this nation. One such thing i have come across is our quest to look for a 'savior'. This theme has been recurring ever so after since independence that i am getting a fair idea of how it is only a destructive force.

As much as i am disappointed at some people of this nation , on theirlow-price-selling during Imran episode , let me be more clear and blunt. Our anticipation of him being a savior only depicts how psychologically helpless we as a nation are. When i use the word , psychologically , i want to emphasize its a mental state where we are in. We have not reached here in few weeks, its something we have been in for some years now. So much so is the situation of our static attitude that we are looking for ways to vent. Otherday people were angry at man handling of Imran Khan's sisters by police. Lets be honest to ourselves. How many women are man-handled by the very institution already? Female lawyers? human rights activists? women who are not given proper and fair justice for the crimes committed against them. I must tell my Non-Pakistani friends here , its not a new phenomenon in the world and Pakistan is no exception to this. When you evaluate current situation , you must understand the whole history involved and donot fall prey to tits-bits of information.Coming back to my point , our quest of hero has so much left us bewildered that whenever we think of a 'potential hero' and some disaster strikes him/her, our reaction is only based on emotions. I see the same happening again.Our hopes come to life with an individual , die with the very individual. Take Musharraf , Chief Jutstice and now Imran Khan. For Nth time i am convinced that we are a nation looking and hoping for some miracle. A nation which has not found any thing beyond its desperate association with its 'love' for an unknown 'hero'.

Remember my friends , its the masses that move the world. Its that average man we have to help educate and think beyond certain ideas to make him an active citizen. Once we will create such awareness , the person of highest order will only rise because then the process will be setup before his arrival. Quaid-e-Azam, Gandhi were only successful in this land because there were many many people before who had done the ground work. Without them , i am convinced , they wouldve just been ordinary citizens.

I must quote Iqbal here , when he said about our wait for Imam Mehdi,

'Dont wait for Mehdi , the source of power. Go! create him'.

So shall i tell you the same my country men. Dont wait for someone to elevate your pains. Do it for yourselves , no matter how insignificant. Its the collective impact which is that really matters.

Von Du.

come quick my friend!
the day is there
when the night sleeps
and your smiling lips
turn to laughing beeps

come quick my friend!
the day is there
when the autumn leaves
and your blooming plants
turn into grown up trees

come quick my friend!
the day is there
when i wish heaven for thee
and your blinking eyes
turn into sparkling streams

Maxims

- I donot question any individual's ability to do something. I do question their realization of the ability to do something.

- To really know if you will succeed or not , try to analyze your weaknesses against your oponent's strengths and vice verca- All humans are human ,in the end.

- Criticizing something isnt an art. Art is to criticize something putting yourself in the creator of that object. Its another way of , self-criticism.

- Prophets are never born 'prophets'.

- Dont cry too much. Tears are like a companion. When someone is taken forgranted , there can be a time when you need them the most , but they are never there.

- Do good. As much as you can. Dont expect anything in returh. As much as you can.

- If you have a strong will , dont be a part of a 'corrupt' system with a conscious effort to come out with a clear alternate system. To clear a mess, at times you have to stand in the middle of it.

Me

State of Emergency - Part II

na·tion n.

1- A relatively large group of people organized under a single, usually independent government; a country.
2- The territory occupied by such a group of people: All across the nation, people are voting their representatives out.


herd (hûrd) n.

1- A large number of people; a crowd: a herd of stranded passengers.
2- The multitude of common people regarded as a mass.


Such tragedy has befallen on this nation again. Such disaster has struck us again. Such bitter taste has been left in our mouth again. It couldn’t have been scripted much worse than this. I am lost at this. In all sincerity I believe we are all responsible for this quagmire. We have such hypocritical people ruling us , that it was only inevitable. We have never fought for ideologies. We have only struggled for people. Be it Musharaf ousting Nawaz Sharif,Chief Justice, Mosque case , we have just tried to save faces here. We have only tried to ensure that faces don’t change. How ignorant we are that we never realized it’s the system of short-sightedness which we have to change. We can not even be characterized as a nation in the truest sense of the word. We are a herd. See the definitions and realize we are no better than cattle. This should suffice for self-evaluation , before we embark on another journey.

My soul bleeds today. My eyes are red with tears. But my will is ever stronger. I shall fight, in any and every capacity I can. Where word ,‘capacity’, is not used to put a limitation to my abilities, but to stretch it.

I am convinced...

I am convinced today that power corrupts.
I am convinced today that greed corrupts.
I am convinced today that illegitimate corrupts.
I am convinced today that unruly corrupts.
I am convinced today that selfish motive corrupts.
I am convinced today that lawless ruler corrupts.
I am convinced today that a liar corrupts.
I am convinced today that an unjust ruler corrupts.
I am convinced today that lack of options corrupts.
I am convinced today that ‘sit and do nothing’ corrupts.
I am convinced today of all this and much more.
But... my dear country men,
Its time to realize that we need to cripple these corrupts.
Its time to realize that enough is enough IS enough.
My pen should be red , just like the blood of my country men

all that matters - doesnt matter

lets not talk about god for a while
for all those who live and dont die
where for them is , the eternal lie?
you , me and our sunless worlds
lets share some thoughts and words
when we walk under the moon and stars
who knows , who is what? what we are?
dont you know where is my soul?
my last gasp and final, lost goal
sit here , stay for a while in this whole
these are parts you see , the face and mole

Ideological Revolutions

Beneath the lines of tragedy always lie a restless belief , which pictures itself more in terms of practicality than a theory. We all have a perception about life through which we see our existence. How often we are led/misled to envisage that its going to be true for everyone else too. Humans have an interesting perception , they find everything to be revolving around them. Draw the parallel against God , who also believes the same. Hence we share some intrinsic traits with him which we mite not realize to be present in us. The purpose of these thoughts is to know when beliefs dont become a reality , how often they can cause a havoc in those who carry them. Encouraging them to be even more relentless in their pursuit of implementing such ideologies , denying the facts of their applicability in terms of times , geographical positioning and surroundings which will be thoroughly impacted during such process.

Such beliefs are not necessarily confined to the boundaries of religion but can also be sharing the areas of politics , societal shifts and economics of a particular area. In all such movements , my strict disagreement has always been the mere fact that any and every impact on human race is just rejected out rightly in the name of the 'cause'. We forget how our actions ,no matter how smaller in nature , can have a massive trickle down effect. Lets take this example , a person working is scolded by his boss for something he is responsible. That person will go back to his/her room and will scold his juniors. Those juniors and this person when they will go back , they will - with a high probability- take it out on their loved ones. So lets say , they take it out on their life-partners. Who , obviously dont understand the reason however they will believe that they put in equally effort to make sure that daily life is spent at a reasonable quality level. Where will they vent? Obviously children or anyother closer relatives or probably neighbors. Lets say that if childrens are scolded , they wont also have the idea of where it all is coming from - hence they will need to let it all get out of their system either by fighting amongst themselves or with their friends. I can keep on exploring this cycle but that is not important thing. What is to be understood here is the rational which concludes that one action can open up N reactions at N different levels. This can reach up to any level. If in this example , where nothing is at stake , implications can be of this greater significance consider this. If a country's head does something to do injustice to one person - keep imagining like i did. Tragedy is only inevitable. It will be just a matter of time when the bubble will burst.

I will end it now. Bottom line is , no matter what makes you do some action - remember that even the smallest of action can have the gravest of impacts. Not only on the lives of who are directly related to that event - but also to those who are absolutely not related.

Let your gods be in your control - for if they get out of control, only destruction can have the final say till they are back in your control. Probably , at the cost of millions of moments butchered by the arrogrance of sipping the wines of ideological revolutions. Wait for evolution.

Pick the only cut!

my dear lonely friend!
through the shades of time
i have healed
rejuvinated in my soul
i have concealed
all the sorrows of past
who ran through my veins
to form the nexus
of my creepy existence
but now that time
has healed every wound
its time for me to test
you and your claim
of being my faithful companion
feel my freshly veiled skin
and try to find
what you left me with...
in that sand filled hut
pick the only cut!

Dream

I dream my friends,
I dream...
of never ending happy moments...
of gardens sleeping among spring year long...
.of losing vikings with heartless victories...
of falling kingdoms with unjust kings...
of victorious hardworking souls...
of sleepless soldiers of humanity...
of floating rivers of equality and properity...
of closing chambers of fearsome hatred...
of preachers reconstructing religious bridges...
of peasants sleeping with peaceful minds..
of kids playing with fire without any fear...
of gods finally deciding 'enough is enough'...
of humans finally realizing 'enoug is enough'...
I dream my friends...
I dream, what you dream not!

Call Me.

Call me someday
i wait for you..
in this lonely moment
cast your gaze on me
look at the barren land
that my heart has become
cover me with the grass
...of love , joy and freedom
from all these ideas of faith
call me someday
i will wait for you...

Spring

spring enters whispering
in the garden of eden
talk to the souls of un sung heroes,
un crowned kings
strolling around alone
they wait to be recognized
flying birds of heaven
parrots , pigeons and ravens
go talk to them,
for them bring some light
...while i stay quiet

Suicidal Note

Ik maut kee chithee day kay
iss jahan ko chornay ka soch kay
niklay ho tum jis raah pay
umeed hay laut ao gay wahan say
jub wahan say tum wapis ao gay
ik bazm-e-sawal ko muntazir pao gay
kyoun niklay thay uss rah pay?
kay jis pay sub hee hian chalay?
kya naya hay uss jahan main?
jub wekt aya to dekh lo gay
iss zakhm ko bhee kuraid lo gay
abhi to bus iss mahfil ko dekho
jis ka her rung hee nirala hay
jidher mayra or tumhara ik rishta hay
jis ko her haal main bachana hay
mauth kee aghosh say bahar jo ao gay
umeed-e-bahaar sath apnay lao gay
apni laghzish say jo bhee samajho gay
bur huk hay ,
maut ko zindagee say behtar na pao gay!!

A Letter to My Last Hope

My Lost Hope ,

You must be doing great without me.I finally have accepted this bitter reality that i will have to live without your presence.You were just a great hope on which i spent so many years.But you had to leave.I curse the moment when you finally left the door and closed it for ever.I came to wave you good bye , only to see a void.An ever expanding void.

Oh my love , i wish for the caresses of yuor pristine body.I mourn this unreasonable reason of my existence without your smiles. You are lost in this big swarm of hopes.I dont know if i will ever see you again.

You left and gave me something else.SOmething on whcih i now live my life.I am so much dependant on your clan.One after the other , and they all come just to leave me.

Whenever they leave , salty drops just water my barren carn only to become a part of dust once again.Its been ages since you left me.Its been ages since i left you.

Comeback someday to perform the formal rituals.perform thy last rites.I want to rest in peace.My restlessness wants to rest in peace.

I dont know you remember me anymore or not.But my dearest hope , i will remember each and every shade i had of you/have of you/will have of you.

I am going to sleep , till you will knock my doors again.If i dont get up , remember i am not immortal unlike you.

You are my vanity.If you dont see me alive , visit my grave someday.Lit a candle.Kiss my dust and whisper "I just came to see you.".

My dear hope i shall leave now.For night is too dark and i have to walk on.

Only Yours.
Hopeless.

Blackout

*Ray of light enters my darkened mind*

I am tripping.Let me.

I will let you.

Who are you?

Consciousness of a mutated life.

Temporary agony.Transience of pain.Flipping me.I am in love with this.Go away.

Die here.Die there.Die anywhere.I am going.Bye.

*Blackout*

Twinkle Twinkle

twinkle twinkle little scar
how i wonder whose you are
up above the world so high
where i see no tear and no cry
down here on me ,
you shine and always smile!

Unjaan Ashnaa

hay mayri aab-e-hayaat main
chupi huee maut kee aik shakal
kay chala hoon jis raah pe bhee
mili mujh say he tayri nazar
ik umeed-e-wafa hay hum ko
ik umeed-e-jaza hay tujh ko
per jo main kuch bol paon to
na hay mujh ko jaza-e-huk kee perwa
na hay mujh ko umeed-e-ishq kee tamanna
gur hay mujh ko bhaijnay main maslehat
phir ko mayra imtihaan ho kyun?
aur gur hay maksood tum ko yehi
phir ishk kee tum bhee kero zara himmat...
na tum ker sako jo koi chaaraa..
to kaysay guzray ga wekt ka yay rayla
jo main toot kay baar baar bikhraa...
jo main nay tuj ko baar baar pukara..t
u bhee dum-e-merg nikla,
ik na-paidaar sahara
ik unjaaan ashnaa...

Miss You , Miss Me

so you came back
walkin on a track
which made me think
love and its total lack

so you made me smile
after a long painful while
i realized the final sign
in you , there is no guile

so you want to fight
a life which is so trite
but then if you dont
they will cut your kite

so you like to be me
ah, in you i find me
come , before the sun sets
Miss you , Miss me

Ummat.

iss baadbaan-e-bay'saba ko
phir aur hawa day
chul niklee hay jis rah pe
iss nao ko nizara-e-manzil day
wakt kay iss khamosh samnder kee
in maujon ko iztirab day
iss ummat-e-bay'yakeen ko
phir tarz-e-sabaat day
gur jantay hain sub yahan pe
per shaoor-e-kainaat'e'do jahan day

Umeed.

apnay jigger ko lahoo dekha
jin logon ko samjha tha
khuda kee khudai ka passdaar
aaj unhi kay angan ko
bay-khuda daykha

kehtay hain khuda say
umeed-e- do jahan rekho
aaj uss ko muskaratay daykha
jiss kay dil main khuda ka
naam-o-nishaan tuk na dekha!

Zinadgi.

Ik zulm hay mayri faka-masti pe
kay girta hoon main ler'khara kay
her uss mehfil-e-insaan main
kay jiss main baytha her shakhs
jeeta hay apni he zindagi kay liyay
kub tuk jeetay hain yay sub
apni he dunya kee iss weerani main
kaiasy jeetay hain yay sub
apni dunya kee iss bayzubani main
keh!
koi in ko dikhlaye...
her lamhay main maujood ik zindagi

National Reconciliation and Self-Destruct Mode

All the sweetest words in the world only remain sweet because they are never true in reality. Reality has always a flip side , but since there is no practicality to those ideas - hence no bitter side is visible either.

And to keep up our trend of using such statements , finally there is a talk of National Reconciliation. But , what are we talking about here? The asnwer is - its another self-destruct mode which we are unleashing on ourselves. The questions should be asked by the people who are 'reconciling' in the name of 'national solidarity'. Some questions are obvious like , why Benazir should be allowed and not Nawaz Sharif? Why the amnesty should be given at all to anyone? Why the people should be allowed to dictate teh fate of this nation while they havent been in the country either?

There is a greater issue which is lying underneath all this. Our lack of interest in the long-term ideas.We are not a nation with patience to execute long-term ideas. We are a nation of 'short-cuts'. We want everything to be done , there and then. However, we have failed to realize the importance of having certain visions and long-term ideas. Nations are not built in decades , it takes centuries and history is a witness to it. However , unfortunately by exercising all these short-term decisions we are jeapordizing any hope which can push this nation forward.

E.g. If we are going to end all the cases in the courts , well lets not have them at all. Eventually its only the poor who will get hanged, no? But if these cases are taken up and punishment is given to these people , atleast poor will hope for some justice. Justice is the only underlying principle which distinguishes a society from being a successful one from a failed one. But justice is never achieved over night. It takes a long , bitter struggle to help justice prevail. Like it is true for black people rights in US , women rights in EU etc. Even in earlier times of Islam , justice was only established once rules were set in place. It was a long struggle , but once justice, and its long-term benefits were put into perspective, there is no doubt in my mind that it was worth it.

Another example , when we talk about power sharing between Mr. Musharraf and Benazir , what really is that? For that matter , let it be between any party and Musharraf. What really is the deal here? If Musharaf is that much lacking political strength then he should take a hint and leave. Why? Because he will have to leave after 5 years anyways. Inevitable has to happen. Why not make it happen according to your own terms than letting time punish you for this? Again - a short sightedness. What is the long term achievement from this? Nothing. It is only going to slow down the progress towards prosperity both political and economic.

If we look at a common day routine , again the similar fact is visible. People want to achieve everything overnight hence leading to corruption , materialism. They want to cross roads by not using the bridges but by cutting the barriers. They want to find short-cuts to success in their career ladders. List goes on and on.

In my opinion there is no such thing as national reconciliation or power sharing going on in this country. We are going through another path , which we think will lead to progress but i firmly beileve we are only taking steps back. We are only walking through that road which will take us back to the point where we are today or , even , were yesterday.

But lets not get hopeless. Lets not fight the mockery with a farce emotional upsurge. Lets not try to cut-short the process of evolution and take up the path of revolution.Lets start from our every day life , thinking beyond what is obvious. There is a huge challenge but which nation has acheived 'nation-hood' without over coming such challenges? Lets believe in our selves and keep fighting the tides of un-just actions be they are done by rich or by poor. Only by pointing wrong as a wrong , we can evolve. Rememeber , unless we accept our mistakes and think about everyone , just as we think about ourselves, we will not go anywhere.

Tragedy might have struck this nation before , it might strike again. There must come a time , when we will strike everything that is wrong today. Until then , lets keep working towards throwing these sweet words of 'Power Sharing' , 'National Reconciliation' in a dump yard. Lets hold onto our self-destruct mode. Because when nation needs leaders , it needs some time before it produces them. If not many in numbers , then atleast one.

To God.

Dekha tayra her rung
per kyun laga bay-rung?
apnay liyay...
ik tu nay jo banaya tha
phir kaisay ker diya
mujh ko giraftar-e-zindaan?
jub tujhey chahyay tha
sirf apna he naam-o-nishaan
phir kyun ker main mitaoon
apna ujra hua makaan?
jub nahi hay himmat-e-judai
phir kyun bhaija thamujh ko iss jahan?

Guilt.

I passed away that night. They came knocking at my door , but alas! - some times we are a bit too late.

It was summer. That day i came home very late. Going through my books i realized how humanity has progressed , yet , at times, it is so far away from finding a comprehensive arguments even on the most fundamtenal aspects of life.

As i looked at my dog , i realized how the 'animal' word is most strikingly different to word 'human'. Ahh! we humans can call eachother animals, but do we call animals , human? I wonder what humans are up for under such circumstances. They surely like to bring their fellow humans down , to an animal level , but they dont like to lift animals to human level. Wonder why?

Feel for power. Humans like to feel that they are powerful , hence they dont like to share their 'epoch'.I took my dog for a walk. I didnt him particulary interested in the walk that day , why? Only it can answer. Such pity , it has lived its entire life but i cant understand what it says but when i call its name , - its as if we are communicating in the same language. For it the only thing that mattered was , Master. I wondered how many humans are looked down as , because they cant speak in a particular language. They cant talk in a proper accent. But shall we remember thats its beyond such iconoclastic aspects of our materialistic life? Do we? Shall we? We should.

We came back , and sat together in my room. It has always been lonely here. For years after years. But that day it was something more about everything in the room. There was life in all those things which were scattered all over my place. I didnt feel lonely there. As i ran my fingers through my dog's hair , i heard a gun shot. My dog ran out and i followed.

Outside i saw two young men aiming a gun at another one , yelling at him and saying - 'Run if you can'. They were consistently shooting at him. One shot , Second shot... The guy twists and turns.. Third shot...All in the legs! They wouldnt kill him. They wouldnt let him live. And me , i was only shocked. Shocked to the utter death. In such a state even my brain will stop working , when i could only just think how the young guy is taking each bullet at a time. Then the ran away.

Finally , my brain made me think and i called an ambulance. I couldnt look into his eyes - a guilt is always the biggest disaster that can happen to a human. Its even worse than a cancer. It kills you slowly and it leaves you with no way out of it too. I couldnt digest such human indifference to other humans. I couldnt think , but my dark would bark. Bark as loudly as the sound of a thunder bolt. But , i couldnt make any move. And then this only stuck in my head like a guilt. A guilt that kept on sliting me slowly.

But this left opened so many questions for my old , every dying brain. What is that higher cost which can make any human kill fellow humans? Religions , sects , creeds, nationalisms , etc. are they all containing values higher enough than a value of human life? How come humans stoop to such low levels in just few moments? What is that higher cause which makes humans worse than any other creature on earth? Why we stop thinking and run through the emotions when our claim is that we are the only 'thinking' specie of the planet?

They say life goes on - everything settles down eventually. But that day i got killed. Those moments came knocking at my door to stop someone from such a fate, but alas! - sometimes we really are a bit too late.

Tacit Hindrance.

so they say, God helps those - who help themselves. Does this mean god doesnt help those who 'cant' help themselves? Can't is a key word here. It implies that there are many who cannot lift themselves out of sheer enormity of the burden which they carry on their shoulders. Will god be indifferent to those people? Or shall i say , is god indifferent at first place?

So if god created this world , does he take any part in the scheme of things as they unfold or he is letting it all unfold on its own? No one really knows how it is. What is think is of little importance but - i will still think. So if i say god does take part in the usual affairs , it will only imply that he doesnt let humans take control of this world? Afterall he made them , i am sure he wouldve had greater knowledge of how they are by nature and hence can fix the system in such a way that it never falls apart.And if he is consistently interfering , then to me , it looks that he didnt know what he was trying to make. Result is that he has to keep re-constructing the system. My underline assumption is that he is omnipotent and he has all the knowledge , hence the question of his inability to read a situation before it occurs doesnt hold valid. Conclusion? To me , he isnt interupting the system ,atleast not as frequently as it is stated. However , i will imagine there is absolute nothing injected by him.

Second argument is that he doesnt control the world at all. If that is said to be true then it will be a havoc. He mite not be controling it as the term itself is , but he mite have set the system up the way that it is already indirectly controlled. Suppose there is no control by him , each human is allowed to do whatever it wants to do. We can well imagine it will be a chaos with no direction and stability. Everyone will react to the samething the way they want to. Now , one can argue that by classifying humans in different creeds , religions etc the control is already there. But it surely is evident that there is no complete freedom

My argument is , its a bit of freedom and a bit of control. To me its a smart move and a brilliant system. I have already stated what couldve happened incase of a complete control or a complete freedom, but lets say if i am allowed to be somewhat free and somewhat in control - i will never be able to go against the system and damage it. Control is set by the system which enables itself whenever someone or some specie tries to go against it. But the freedom to go against it still lies with the creature. So , we all make a choice but how that choice unfolds and collides with the system , called control , determines what will be the end result. Hence to me , there is neither a complete freedom nor a complete control.

Lastly , its not a simple matter of making a choice and going through with it. Its a responsibility, which a choice carries with itself , that matters. Traps are already set , but choices to avoid them or not are ours.

May God help those , who help themselves - and also who cant help themselves , for they deserve more of it either due to their ignorance or incapcitation due to all the unknown factors of life.

No Sunshine - No Moonlight.

no sunshine , no moonlight
let the crying kids fight
over the red ribbons of
a high flying lonely kite
i am not here to teach
the lessons which you
will always have to forget
keep the lid on us , tight!
running stream of water
flows through the mountains
of my pain stricken eyes
making them stay bright!
lie down beneath the open sky
where there is only green grass
where there are singing birds, but
no sunshine , no moonlight

My Fears.

My fear isnt that a human is hurt by some event and then it hits back while feeling his pain , my fear is that a human is not feeling the hurt but hits back in numbness. How cruel will this be?

My fear isnt that i will die and go to hell or heaven , my fear is that i will die without knowing what was which i knew all about? How difficult will this be?

My fear isnt that my sins will be greater than my virtues , my fear is that my virtues will be due to some compulsion and without my own free will. How hypocritic will this be?

My fear isnt that i get up one day to know that everything i thought ever was wrong , my fear is that i get up one day convinced that i am absolutely right. How ignorant will this be?

My fear isnt that i will die one day without getting love in this world , my fear will be that the day i die, i realize there was never a thing like love. How heart breaking will this be?

My fear isnt that my loved ones will leave me one day forever , my fear is that their love for me will leave their hearts one day forever. How hateful will this be?

My fear isnt that i have fears , my fear is that i dont succumb to them. How fearful will this be?

Pathological Gensis - A Diary

I am going to maintain this diary. It will be a journey - through void! keep coming back to read it , if you have nothing better to do.

-------------------------------------------------

We all claim life, at times, is just so unfair to us, my question will be - so how many times we are unfair to life? perhaps equation might just be equal or if anything it will be us who will be more unfair to it.

On a political note ,most muslims believe that everything that is going on wrong in this world is due to America. Well, why are muslims letting that country be such an influence in our political and social life. After all , we have the brains - no?

Salman Rushdie should be killed because he spread mischief. Alright! but why cant we produce a solid reply in the form of a book? Are we that mundane in our thought process? Knowledge can only be countered through knowledge. Do we know this?

People are afraid of love. Why? because it requires sacrifice , courage and strong dedication. Humans mostly want to claim that they have all these , but when it comes to practicality they are often misled by 'realities'. I say often - in the matters of heart , dont use your brain much. Afterall , beliefs lie not in some logical chains but in some metaphysical realms.

Its a bit too late in the night. Time to start trying to sleep.

03:09 Sunday Aug 19/2007

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We all dream. But when our particular experience tells us that some dream is a difficult one , or for that matter impossible to be a reality, we hold onto the idea so strongly that we never let anyother experimentation take place. Experience should make us learn lessons but those lessons should always be understood keeping factual representation in perspective. The more you elevate yourself from those facts forming an experience , the greater objectiveness will be achieved. Remember! one experience shouldnt bring you down so much to earth that you never get up again. Stay upright and restart your fight for your dream - irrespective of your experiences. Its the dreams that matter not the ways to achieve them.

03:29 Monday Aug 20/2007

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My friends this world is like a jungle. We have predators and their preys. But you must never forget the difference. Predator has two essential traits. Patience and Perseverance. If it cant get one prey in the first attempt , it needs perseverance to keep its hunt on. But before that comes patience. A plan which requires a careful approach. Looking for the right opportunity and when the moment is there... then there is nothing holding it back. But remember , no one in a jungle wants to be hunted - hence they run for their lives.In this world if you want to live then become a predator. Hunt down your dreams before someone brings an end to you and your dreams. For there is one thing that differentiates humans with animals. Humans hunt limitlessly , because this is from which they drive their lust for power. Animals , on the other hand only hunt for what is their requirement. In a way, humans have their 'wants' dictating their instincts - and for animals, its just their 'needs'.

Become a predator - or get ready to be either hunted or keep running for your life. For how long? Its not in your control!

Too much travelling , tiredness. Good night.

01:34Tuesday Aug 21/2007
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When you are in love , its love which is giving you a favor. How? by igniting a flame of controlled madness. A flame which can burn down all the norms of any social fabric.

But when you are out of it , how can you return the favor? By remembering the moments when the flame made you things against whom you felt powerless otherwise. In other words, respecting the feelings when they are not there anymore. Like humans when they are gone!

00:17
Saturday Aug 25/2007
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To me , greatness isnt that when you are in love you reciprocate atleast in equal terms. Greatness is when your loved ones want to walk away from you for any selfish reason , you still leave a door open for them to come back.

15:30
Saturday Aug 25/2007
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To me, tragedy is not that one is a hypocrite even though they realize it. To me tragedy is that one wants to be honest , people dont accept him. But when one wants to live a hypcritic life , conscious doesnt accept it. Its that life between these two boundaries which is a tragic one.

00:48
Sunday Aug 26/2007
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Mostly, people think that they like someone. Infact, they like their idea which thye find in someone. Once that idea is gone , so is the liking ideology of that person. Lets not call such a feeling , Love.

21:00
Sunday Aug 26/2007

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Morality is as much a disease as it is a cure. When it is used as a tool to restrict a human creative process it is a disease. But when it is used to put a lid on some volcanic erruptions which might cause disaster to human race, it surely is a cure.

11:31
Tuesday Aug 28/2007

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If my ideas are weak , then dont forget my friend , you are the weakest link in the chain of my life.

18:48
Thursday Aug 30/2007

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my dear reader , donot share your only truth. World can make you pay for it. And it will!

00:12
Sunday Sep 02/2007

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Hope is the only reason why poor dont commit suicide.

00:44
Tuesday Sep 04/2007

Chalo.

Chalo..
kay aaj hamari her saans
uss doobtee huee now
kay sath chalay..
keh jis ka her rukh
her mor
hamari umeed kee kiran thee
kay jis kee kuwat say
her moj-e-bekraan laraztee thee
chalo...
kay aaj jub iss safar ka ikhtamaam hay
hum ik naye safar ko dawam dain
hum bhee iss kay sath doob jain
keh, zindagi kay asal ramooz ko
hum ik baar bikhar kay paa jain...

A Dialogue With God.

me: So what is this darkness which surrounds me?

God: What do you think it is?

me: Its you who is supposed to know, no? My question is who are you?

God: Whatever you think i am!

Me: Are you that comprehensibly incomprehensible one?

God: Well , you decide.

Me: I decide? So I am allowed to exercise my ideas? I am sure its not as simple as you say.

God: It can be. You can try.

Me: I can try or I can decide? Which way is it going to be? I see abstraction and then I see some concreteness. But the moment I try to see one thing , the other appears.

God: (smiles) look at both.

Me: Tell you something , I am no god like you. I am getting lunatic with this!

God: Every human tries to be one at one time or the other. You see its not easy to be god either.

Me: Oh… you are alone. I am alone. You are up there alone , I am down here alone. (Sigh)

God: But the difference remains – I am a god and you are trying to be one. Think again!

Me: (shouts) I cant stand these segmented versions of reality. Why should I face this mockery in the name of human evolution and progress every day? Why should I keep fighting within myself not to be another hypocrite in this system? Why should I lie down in my bed thinking how much miserably I have lost grounds as a human even? Why should I keep reminding myself that I am letting my humanity slip away everyday? Why should I tell myself not to become an animal by dying in my vanity? I ask too many questions. Can you give the answers? Perhaps even one?

God: (Looks around) if I give you the answer , I wont be just with those who are looking for them as well. Keep thinking , keep fighting. Good luck!

Me: Luck? Is it luck or is it my effort to find answers? Ahhh…Again – another set of questions!! Its not getting anywhere.

God: (smiles again and shakes his head) Impatience has become a human symbol. Get rid of it and may be you will see something.

Me: (shakes his head and starts walking away with tears flowing in his eyes) I am disappointed again!

God: (whispers) if you don’t trust me , don’t! trust yourself atleast.

Me: (walks away till he is distant and the only thing visible is his shadow)

My Dearest Friend - My Greatest Enemy

My dear friend , my greatest enemy
as we stand here ,eye to eye
lets talk about our hearts
how they beat with our thoughts
trying to find a match of
early morning shining rays
as our eyes talk to eachother
in this moment of silence
smile, speak the words of muteness
our lives have changed so much
we have moved away so far
but as our boats collide once again
let me tell you my heart has still
all the love and admiration
i have always cherished you in my heart
as my dearest friend , my greatest enemy

Iqbal's Thoughts

For centuries Eastern heart and intellect have been absorbed in the question - Does God Exist? I propose to raise a new question - new , that is to say , for the East - Does man exist?

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Nations are born in the hearts of poets; they prosper and die in the hands of politicians.

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Given character and healthy imagination , it is possible to reconstruct this world of sin and misery into a veritable paradise

-----------

It is idle to seek logical truth in poetry. The ideal of magination is beauty , not truth. Do not then try to show a poet's greatheness by quoting passages from his works which, in your opinion, embody scientific truth

Drunken Beggar

Whirling around in the feelings
of unexplored territories
i have slipped deeper and faster
in the abyss of hopelessness
while i try to hand myself
a final chance to have a laugh
i come across your smiling face
but shrugging my illusions
i plunge further down here
allowing the realities to collide
i wait for the ultimate touch
a caress which will make me
as you are , and i am not

Beyond The Lines

In this madness of love
we are falling slowly
but come there a moment
when hearts demand us
to walk on uknown paths
dont let yourself fret
for there lies in untold tales
deep mysteries enwrapped
lets walk in that direction
where i see only dark clouds
of unforgiving black moments
come!
hold my only hand
i need you to embarce me
beyond the lines...
...of love and hate

Life.

come , drink with me
this red wine of life
colored with tradies
taste it while you relax
and let it grow on you
but when it controls you
there will be moments of
unimagned oblivion and laughter
between these very lines
lies our own destructive self
drink this blood for life
till you control it,
till you have grown on it!